Words Hurt
by CharlotteSPierce
Summary: Josh makes one too many careless comments. One that could lead Lauren into a world of very dangerous secrets. Lauren/Josh. Set in series 5, a short while after the chemical burn episode. An eating disorder story, could be triggering.
1. Chapter 1

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**Author's Note: I know that this story moves a bit quickly, and I do know that eating disorders often take a long time to develop and that there is almost always some underlying problem or attribute as to why the sufferer developed an eating disorder. But in a story it would take too long for me to be able to properly set up a realistic amount of time, so I'll just do the best that I can. Lauren is not going to just stop eating straight away, there is going to be a semi-decent build up to her getting to a critical point. I've been there, I've done that, in fact, I am still in that miserable place now, and although I'm trying to recover, I do still struggle daily with my eating disorder. So please, no lectures about the time frame unless you think that it is so unrealistic that you can't bear to read my story.**

**Also, I do not in any way think that Darcy Isa (Lauren) is fat. I think she's gorgeous and I wish I had her body. The negative descriptions of her body are just in Lauren's mind, and not at all in mine.**

I am intending to make this story as realistic as possible, and at times, it is and will be very painful for me to write.  
IF YOU THINK YOU MAY BE TRIGGERED IN ANY WAY BY THIS, DO NOT READ.

Oh, and also, I know my summary is rubbish, I couldn't think of anything to put.

**Other than that, please enjoy the story, and I welcome reviews off anybody, signed in or anonymous, and I do welcome constructive criticism.**

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It was a normal day for Lauren Andrews, she got up, got dressed, ate breakfast, did her hair and make-up, and left for school.

She met her best friend Sambuca Kelly half way down the main road and they walked to school together, the same as every other day, chatting about stupid, irrelevant things and often ending up in uncontrollable laughter by the time they had got to school. Lauren quite looked forward to school actually, it sounded stupid, but she did. All her mates were there, including Josh Stevenson, the cute, kind of dorky, curly haired boy she had a crush on. Sure, Josh had done some stupid things in the time she had known him, some very stupid, _hurtful_ things actually, but despite all that, Lauren still wanted him, and she didn't know why.

Lauren and Sam walked through the school gates in the large crowd of people, just like any other old Tuesday morning, and went to join up with Josh and Finn. Finn Sharkey was Josh's best friend, he was a fairly good looking boy, who thought he was everything, though personally, Lauren just thought he was a cruel, sexist pig, who just liked humiliating and hurting people. She wished that Josh wasn't so influenced by him, it was like Finn had some sort of power over him, that he couldn't make one simple decision by himself.

"Hey", said Lauren, smiling at Josh.

"Hi Lauren," Josh said, smiling back at her, "Hey, Sam," he added, suddenly aware of the presence of the two other people.

"Hey," said Sam."So, what are you two lovely ladies up to tonight?" asked Finn, putting his arm around Sam, "Fancy a little action in the bedroom?"

"Ew!" said Sam, shoving Finn's arm off her.

The bell rang and a herd of students in darkly coloured blazers and maroon jumpers started moving towards the main doors.

"I'd better go, I promised Amy I'd help her forge a note to get out of PE. See you later, mate," Finn said to Josh, before dashing off through the crowd.

Lauren, Josh and Sam carried on walking though the halls, on their way to their form room for morning registration. They made small talk on the way, though none of it really mattered, all Lauren could think about was how good Josh looked. The way his green eyes sparkled in the morning sunshine, the way his hair was springy and bouncy and full of life, the way he got cute little dimples whenever he smiled, which was often. Josh made her heart melt.

"Take a seat, you three," said their grumpy form tutor when they reached the classroom, though no sooner had they sad down for registration, the bell for first lesson rang. The three friends stood up and started walking down the corridor again.

"Urgh, chemistry next," groaned Sam.

"I hate that lesson, it's so boring," said Josh.

"I know, total snooze-fest," Lauren added.

"Still, at least we can sit where we want," said Josh, trying to look on the bright side.

"Yeah, at least there's that," said Lauren, with a hint of a flirtatious grin.

Lauren and Josh had been flirting back and forth for weeks, it was obvious that they both liked each other, though of course, they wouldn't admit it.

They both spent the whole of Mr Mead's chemistry lesson play fighting and nicking each others stuff as a not-so-subtle way of flirting, leading them to being told off at least twenty times throughout the hour.

The next few lessons passed quickly, much in the same fashion that the first one did. Soon enough it was lunchtime.

Lauren queued up with Sam to get her lunch, the two girls chattering non-stop. Just as they went to sit down, they practically walked straight into Finn, with his faithful lapdog Josh at his side.

"Careful there girls, don't want an accident do we? Couldn't have a heavy load like you falling on us," remarked Finn, aiming it at Lauren.

"What's that meant to mean?" Lauren asked, annoyed, taking one hand off her tray and placing it on her hip.

"Nothing. It's just, are you sure you want to be eating all that?" smirked Finn, indicating to the food on Lauren's tray.

"And why wouldn't I?" asked Lauren, getting increasingly annoyed.

"Well you're a bit… How shall I say this? Big boned," said Finn, smiling wickedly.

"Are you saying I'm fat?" demanded Lauren.

"If the boot fits," said Finn, "Sorry, I forgot, nothing fits you!"

"Finn!" said Sam, indignant for her best friend. "Come on," she said to Lauren, starting to turn away.

"No, hold on a minute," Lauren said, grabbing Sam's arm. "Do you think I'm fat, Josh?"

"Erm…"

Finn looked at Josh meaningfully, signalling him to say what he wanted.

"Yeah," said Josh, glancing at Finn.

"Fine," said Lauren, hurt and holding back tears, "Let's go," she said to Sam, turning around and walking away.

The two girls sat down at a table, Lauren looking totally defeated.

"Ignore him, Lauren. He's a two-faced little git," Sam told her, trying to get a smile out of her best friend.

"Mmm," said Lauren, poking her lunch with her fork, absent-mindedly.

"It didn't bother you did it, Lauren? You know he only said it because Finn did."

"It doesn't," said Lauren, looking up from her plate.

"Why aren't you eating then?" asked Sam.

"I'm just not very hungry," said Lauren, "In fact, I might go and help Mr Mead set out the science equipment. See you," and she stood up and started walking away."See ya," said Sam, suspiciously.

Lauren emptied her untouched lunch into the bin, attracting an apologetic look from Josh, but Lauren didn't care. If he was sorry, he would say it, and if he didn't mean it, he shouldn't have said anything in the first place.

Lauren didn't go to help Mr Mead set up for a science lesson, she set off to go to the girls' changing rooms, because she knew there was a full length mirror in there. She walked determinedly through the quiet school, everyone was having lunch so there would be no one to bother her. What Josh had said kept replaying over and over in her head, she couldn't control it. She didn't know why she cared so much, it wasn't like Josh liked her anyway, she thought, and anyway, it was Finn's opinion, not Josh's. But then _why_ would he have said it?

She gently pushed the changing room door open, hoping that there was no one still in there from last period, even though it finished a good ten minutes ago. Luckily for Lauren, the room was completely empty, though there was a window open, blowing in a cold breeze from outside. Lauren stood on one of the benches surrounding the walls and closed the window, catching sight of herself in the full length mirror on the back wall.

Yuck, she thought, gazing at herself.

"Look at how big my bum is," said the voice inside Lauren's head, filled with disgust.

Josh and Finn were right, she thought, I am fat.

Lauren stepped down off the changing bench and walked over to the mirror, so she could examine herself properly. Her face caught her attention first, her chubby cheeks and double chin making Lauren feel sick at the sight of herself, she prodded and poked and sucked in her cheeks, but her face was still _fat_.

She then removed her jumper, took off her tie and unbuttoned her school shirt, so that she could see her upper body. She poked at her collarbones, not that she could see them, she wanted them to stick out like the models she saw on the catwalk, and the tiny actresses on TV. Lauren pinched the small amount of fat between her arms and her chest, willing it to just go away. She then moved down to her stomach, grabbing her love handles and feeling incredibly ashamed, it was the first time since the birthmark incident that she had felt this bad. Why was she so fat? And how hadn't she noticed it before?


	2. Chapter 2

**This chapter's more of a filler chapter than anything else, because I obviously have to set up the story before the main part can begin. I'll be getting to the good stuff soon though, I promise. I'm hoping to update a chapter every day, though it might be quite hard sometimes, because of the huge amount of coursework I have at the moment, but I'll try. **

**Anyway, I hope you like it and please review :)**

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I'm going to do something about this, thought Lauren, I'll show Josh I'm not a complete fat pig with no control.

Suddenly, the bell for next lesson went, startling Lauren. She didn't realise she'd been in there for that long. She quickly buttoned up her shirt, threw her tie around her neck, and hastily put her jumper back on, then grabbed her bag and hurried out into the busy corridor, making her way to Mr Clarkson's English class. Mr Clarkson was just about to shut the door when she got there.

"Quickly, sit down, Lauren," he said, before closing the door.

Lauren hurried to her seat next to Sam.

"Now today we are going to be exploring the wonderful world of Romeo and Juliet," said Mr Clarkson, inducing a groan from the year ten class.

"You okay?" whispered Sam to Lauren.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" Lauren whispered back, giving Sam a big fake smile.

"You know, 'coz of what Finn and Josh were saying."

"Girls," said Mr Clarkson, giving them a stern look. "Now, Lauren, since you're obviously so eager to start our essay preparation for the exploration of the tension throughout the play, you can hand these out," he said, handing Lauren a pile of worksheets.

Lauren stood up and started walking round the classroom, giving a sheet to everyone she passed. As she reached Josh and Finn, Josh slipped her a folded scrap of paper, she waited until she was finished handing out the sheets and was sat back down before she unfolded the note.

Written on the slightly torn scrap of paper was the word 'Sorry' written in Josh's scrawl of handwriting, with a smiley face drawn next to it.

Lauren sighed. She didn't want to forgive Josh, what he had said had hurt her. She didn't really mind when Finn said it, she knew that he had only said it to try to get a reaction, he didn't mean it, and even if he did, it didn't matter to Lauren what Finn thought. It mattered immensely to her what Josh thought. But she'd show him, she'd lose the extra weight and then maybe, just maybe, he might be interested in her. Lauren knew that she had to forgive Josh, or at least pretend to, he already thought she was a fat cow, she didn't want him thinking she was a fat moody cow.

In her neat, italic writing, Lauren wrote 'It's fine Josh, it doesn't matter.', dotted her i's with hearts and drawing a cute little smiley face at the side, like Josh had done.

Lauren stuck her hand in the air, and Mr Clarkson stopped in the middle of his explanation of powerful adjectives and sighed.

"Yes, Lauren?"

"Can I go to the loo please, Sir?"

"Honestly, Lauren, what is up with you today?" sighed Mr Clarkson.

Lauren carried on looking up at him, knowing that he'd let her go eventually.

"Be quick then," he said, giving in.

"Thanks, Sir," Lauren said, standing up and walking across the room, dropping her reply note on Josh's desk as she passed.

Admittedly, Lauren did say she needed the toilet as an excuse to get the note to Josh, but she did actually go to the girls' toilets, which were unsurprisingly empty, seen as everyone was in lessons.

Lauren looked in the mirror, which was only useful for seeing her face, in fact, it was the mirror that Lauren and most of the other girls often fought over in order to look in it to fix their hair and make-up. She poked at her face, her fat, fat face. She hated her chubby cheeks, and her double chin, she couldn't even see structure of her face under all that fat.

Sighing, Lauren walked into a cubicle and locked the door, she wondered how on earth she had let herself get this fat, so out of control. Why hadn't she noticed it sooner? Josh was obviously repulsed by her. Tears began to well up in Lauren's eyes, and one slowly slid down her cheek. She began to sob, silently, wishing she could just be thin and beautiful, like all the other girls.

After crying for a good ten minutes Lauren realised, crying wasn't going to make her any thinner, she needed to stop feeling sorry for herself, get off her fat arse and actually do something about it. Today had been a wake-up call for Lauren, Josh's words had shocked her into realising that she must have been blind to her body her entire life, but she needed to pick herself up and be thankful that she had realised her faults now, so she could do something about them.

Lauren sniffed, wiped her eyes and unlocked the cubicle door, walking out towards the mirror again. She now looked even worse than she did when she came in, her eyes all red and puffy, and her so-called waterproof mascara smudged all over her face. Lauren splashed her face with cold water, and grabbed some toilet roll from one of the cubicles, gently wiping her eyes and rubbing the mascara smudges away. When she decided that she looked as good as she was going to get, Lauren chucked the wet, black smudged wad of toilet roll in the bin and started to walk back to her classroom.

Lauren opened the door to Mr Clarkson's classroom, only to be met with a glare from her English teacher.

"Where have you been, Lauren?" Mr Clarkson said.

Lauren looked at the floor, not wanting anyone to notice she'd been crying.

"Well?" Mr Clarkson demanded.

"The toilet, Sir," said Lauren, still looking down.

A few kids in the class sniggered.

"Oh, come on, Lauren. You've been gone almost twenty minutes, you can't expect me to believe that you've been at the toilet all this time."

Lauren looked up, she couldn't think of anything else to say.

Mr Clarkson saw Lauren's tear-stained face and gave in. "Go on," he said, sighing, indicating towards her seat.

"Lauren, what's up?" Sam whispered to her, giving her hand a quick squeeze under the table.

"Nothing," said Lauren, giving a weak smile.

"Oh come on, Lauren, I can tell you've crying. What's up, eh?"

"Nothing, my mascara's just been bugging me."

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The remaining fifteen minutes of the lesson dragged on, and Josh spent the whole of it giving Lauren apologetic, worried glances. He didn't say what he said to hurt her, he said it because Finn had said it, and he knew that he probably shouldn't have, but he didn't think that Lauren would get that upset about it. He didn't think she was fat anyway, he thought she was gorgeous, but he guessed that throwing insults at her was easier than confessing how he really felt about her, because he knew that she'd never feel the same way, especially after this.

Josh wanted to check if Lauren was alright, she'd obviously been crying and he felt horrible that he'd caused her to get that upset. He should have learnt his lesson from last time.

When the bell rang Josh waited by the classroom door, wanting to talk to Lauren.

"Lauren," he said when she walked past him, "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," said Lauren, giving him a weak smile.

"Look, Lauren… I'm sorry.""It's fine, Josh. Just leave it, yeah?" said Lauren, walking away to catch up with Sam.

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Lauren chatted to Sam non-stop on the way home, as to avoid further suspicion, she wanted to keep her feelings quiet. The girls talked loudly as they were walking with their arms linked, Sam often burst into laughter, though Lauren had to force herself to laugh with her, but she was thinking of more important things.

How many calories do I usually eat in a day, wondered Lauren. She reckoned it was round about two thousand. After some thinking, she remembered from health class that there were 3500 calories in a pound. Lauren wanted to work out how much she would have to cut out of her diet to lose a couple of pounds a week, but she wasn't much good at maths and after the day she'd had she didn't really feel like doing sums anyway.

She decided that she would cut her calorie intake in half, so she was eating one thousand per day, she would lose the weight she needed to and she didn't have to completely starve herself, just watch what she eats. And I'll go running every day, that's sure to burn a load of calories, thought Lauren. To her, it seemed like the perfect plan.

"Lauren?" said Sam, waving her hand in front of Lauren's face, distracting her from her thoughts.

"Oh, sorry," she said, realising that they had reached the point where Sam walked down her street and Lauren carried on the main road towards hers.

"Are you sure you're alright?" Sam asked her.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Lauren replied. "Bye," she said, pulling Sam into a hug.

"See you tomorrow," said Sam, pulling out of Lauren's embrace and walking away.

Lauren was then left alone to carry on daydreaming about her new diet plan.

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**And by the way, thank you to the person who reviewed my first chapter, your review made my day :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you to the people that have reviewed so far, it really does make my day!**

**Sorry I didn't update yesterday, I was quite busy. **  
**I hope you like this chapter though :)**

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Lauren woke up early the next morning, intending to sneak out of her house and go running before her parents or any of her older brothers were up, but when her alarm went off at half past five, she decided that she was way too tired to bother with getting up and going running, so she told herself that she'd do it later in the day and went back to sleep.

When she woke up for the second time and started to get dressed, she regretted not going for a run, she looked worse than yesterday, she was sure that she had somehow expanded outwards in the night. Lauren stood in front of the mirror, disgusted at her reflection, wishing that all that fat would just go away.

After spending a long time getting dressed and critically examining her body in every way possible, Lauren went downstairs for some breakfast. As usual, her mum and two of her brothers were sat at the table, eating toast and drinking coffee.

"Morning, Love," said her mum, smiling sleepily at her, "There's some coffee still in the pot if you want some, and I bought you some more of that cereal you like."

"Thanks, Mum," Lauren said, and went to look at the cereal packet that was next to the toaster.

Lauren found the nutritional information on the back of the packet and saw in horror that the sugary cereal contained almost 300 calories. She knew that she didn't want to use up such a large part of her calorie allowance before she even went to school, so she put the box of cereal back down on the kitchen worktop.

"I'm not that hungry, actually, I think I'll just have an apple," she said, grabbing one out of the fruit bowl.

Apples couldn't have that many calories, could they? 50? 100? Lauren had no idea. She figured that since it was healthy, she was allowed to eat it. After all, people ate apples when they were on diets all the time, so it couldn't possibly have that many calories.

Lauren took a bite of the small, red apple and enjoyed the fact that she was able to control what went into her body, it gave her a sense of power that she had never felt before.

"Right, I have to get to work now," Lauren's mum said, standing up, "Have a good day at school, you lot," she said, kissing Lauren on the cheek and ruffling on of Lauren's brothers' hair.

"Bye, Mum," said Lauren.

After the front door had closed and her brothers had gone back to eating their breakfast, Lauren threw her half eaten apple in the bin and went back upstairs to do her hair and make-up.

Lauren tried out at least five different hairstyles, trying to find one that didn't make her face look as fat as it was, but in the end she settled for having it down with a headband in it, due to the fact that she was already five minutes late for leaving her house, and she still hadn't done her make-up. She applied her foundation and mascara quickly, though she made sure that her face wasn't covered in streaks of orange and her eyes didn't look like spiders had been squashed to death on them.

Quickly, Lauren grabbed another apple and a bottle of water for her lunch, stuffed them in her school bag and left the house. She ran all the way down to where she was supposed to be meeting Sam, though her best friend was stood there looking anxiously at her watch.

"Where have you been?" Sam asked Lauren, "I've been waiting for like ten minutes."

"Sorry," said Lauren, out of breath, "I was doing my hair."

"Well, come on then, we don't want to be late for school," said Sam, and she started to walk quickly down the road, Lauren walking behind, still tired from running.

There was very little chat between the two girls on the way to school, Lauren had only eaten half an apple since breakfast the day before, and was too tired to keep up a conversation. Plus, they had to walk quickly since Lauren had taken so long to get herself ready.

They got to school just as the bell for registration was ringing, and walked quickly into their form room. The girls sat at their desk and Lauren relaxed in her chair, glad to be sitting down, at last.

"You've been quiet this morning," said Sam, "You okay?"

"Yeah," replied Lauren, "I just don't feel well," she said, quite truthfully.

"Oh, ok."

They sat and answered their names to the register and waited for the second bell to ring. Lauren groaned when she heard it, and slowly stood up.

"What lesson do we have?" she asked Sam.

"Um, art, I think," Sam replied, taking out her timetable to check.

Good, Lauren thought, at least she got to sit down.

The girls walked together to art and each took a place in front of an easel. Josh then walked in and hovered next to Lauren.

"Can I sit here?" Josh asked her, not sure whether she was still mad at him for what he had said the day before, because even though she had said it was fine, he knew that Lauren was not the most forgiving person in the world.

"Sure," said Lauren, smiling at him. "Where's Finn?"

"Excluded for locking that genius guy in year eight in the supply cupboard because he wouldn't do his algebra homework," Josh told her, "They didn't find him until this morning."

Lauren stayed smiling, she liked Josh a whole lot more when Finn wasn't around.

It was like nothing had happened between the two, they were laughing and joking just like the day before, and Lauren began to relax a bit. Before she knew it, the lesson was over, and although she hadn't actually done any work, and had gotten a telling off from Miss Campbell, she was a lot happier than she was at the start of the day.

"PE next,", said Josh, as him, Lauren and Sam were walking, "We're doing boys vs. girls football, and it's so obvious who's going to win," he said with a smirk.

Lauren's heart suddenly jumped as she realised, she'd have to wear her horrible PE shorts in front of the boys, including Josh. They'd all see her chubby legs.

"Come on girls, in you go," Lauren heard Mr Clarkson say loudly to the crowd of girls that were entering the girls' changing rooms that they were approaching.

"See ya," said Josh, as Lauren and Sam started to enter the changing rooms.

"Bye," said Lauren, stopping and staring after him.

"Come on, Lauren," Mr Clarkson said, "Go get changed. And don't take ages doing your hair."

Lauren's heart was thudding in fear, she didn't want to let Josh see any more of her fat body than he had to.

"Sir, I really don't feel well. So can I just sit out?" Lauren asked, hoping he wouldn't make her get changed.

"Well, just see how you go," said Mr Clarkson, glancing at her.

"Please, Sir," Lauren pleaded.

"Just get changed and then if you still feel ill then you can just watch."

"But Sir..."

"Now, Lauren, please," Mr Clarkson said.

Lauren saw that she wasn't going to get anywhere by arguing so she gave in and went to get changed. She took her time doing so and was the last in the changing room, when everyone else was heading across to the football pitch.

"Come on, Lauren, please," Mr Clarkson called impatiently from outside the door.

"I'm coming," Lauren called back.

She was stood in front of the same mirror she was at lunchtime the day before, trying to pull her black shorts as far down as they'd go. Lauren was quickly getting very irritated by the fact that they only covered the top part of her thighs, there was still plenty of fat left on show. She soon gave up on the shorts and started trying to stretch her long sport socks up even further, but they were even more useless and couldn't possibly get any higher up than her knees.

Lauren wanted to cry at the sight of herself, but she was very aware that she looked enough of a sight already, without the unnecessary mascara smudges and lines in her foundation.

"Lauren, now!" shouted Mr Clarkson.

Slowly, Lauren walked across the room and opened the changing room door, knowing that Mr Clarkson would come in to see what she was doing if she didn't.

"Finally. What took you so long?" Mr Clarkson demanded, locking the changing room door.

"I told you I didn't feel well, Sir."

"Well maybe you'll feel better after a bit of fresh air. Come on," he said, and they both started walking out towards the pitch.

"How come you took so long?" Sam asked Lauren when they reached the rest of the class.

"I just did, okay?" Lauren snapped. She wasn't in the best of moods.

"I was just asking," Sam said.

"Right, yeah, sorry," Lauren said, "I've just got a really bad headache," she explained, which was actually true.

"Right," said Josh, walking over to the girls, "Ready to lose?" he grinned.

"Oh, but we're not going to," said Sam, smiling.

Mr Clarkson blew his whistle, the loud noise made Lauren's head hurt even more.

"Girls shooting in that direction, boys, the other way," he shouted. "You can sit out if you want, Lauren."

Lauren thought about it, Josh had probably seen how much fatter she actually was anyway, the least she could do was to look like she was making an effort to change it.

"No, I think I'll be okay, thanks, Sir," Lauren said.

"Okay then," said Mr Clarkson, slightly confused. "Right, we're starting," he shouted.

He blew his whistle and threw the ball in the middle of the pitch, one of the boys got it and started dribbling it across the pitch.

Lauren ran around self consciously for a while, pretending to be interested in the game, but in her head she was just wishing that the lesson would be over, so that she could get changed back into clothes that didn't show so much of her fat body.

Every time she got near Josh, she turned and ran the other way, hoping that he wasn't paying attention to her humongous legs.

Whenever someone scored a goal, their team cheered and the opposing one was heard screaming all sorts of reasons why it didn't count, all the noise made Lauren's head hurt. Throughout the game she began to feel increasingly unwell, and was thinking about going to sit out. But it was exercise, she thought, something she desperately needed, so she was determined to keep playing for the remainder of the game.

Suddenly, the ball came rushing in her direction.

"Lauren!" someone shouted.

Lauren made a half-hearted attempt to kick the ball, missed it, and somehow managed to trip over her own two feet. She felt herself falling and was then on the floor, flat on her face, in front of everyone.

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**So what did you think?**  
**I really got into writing this chapter, even though nothing much really happened.**  
**I know that Mr Clarkson is an English teacher but he's been shown a few times teaching the kids PE and I didn't know who else to put so I used him. Plus, he's by far my favourite of the teachers.**  
**So anyway, I hope you enjoyed it, and please review :)**


	4. Chapter 4

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**Sorry for taking so long to update, I had a ton of work to do. I've got one of my GCSE Spanish speaking tests tomorrow, we've had two weeks of lesson time to write and memorize a script for it, and me being as lazy and unmotivated as I am, I sat and messed about in class so I had to do it for homework. It took me ages to write it and I need to memorize it all for tomorrow. This is how disorganized and lazy I am. Plus, I probably should be getting on with my final idea for my art BTEC, I've done next to no work for art in the last four months. So I should probably get my lazy arse off fanfiction and go do some coursework.**

**But anyway, about the story. It's not a great chapter, I rambled on a lot. It doesn't really have a proper ending either. But still, I hope it's not too terrible. Please review and tell me what you think :)**

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"Time out!" Lauren heard Mr Clarkson yell, as he rushed over to her.

Lauren lifted her head and saw most of the class gathered around her, including Josh, who was staring at her pityingly.

"Are you okay, Lauren?" Mr Clarkson asked her, crouching down and putting his hand on her arm.

Lauren nodded her head, then pushed herself upwards and slowly stood up, feeling extremely embarrassed. The whole of her class had just seen her fall flat on her face, including Josh, she must have looked like such an idiot. And if that wasn't bad enough her shorts had now ridden upwards, looking more like hot pants than PE shorts, and showing an alarming amount of her fat legs.

Most of the boys were sniggering now, some of the girls too, and Lauren blushed bright red, she wanted the floor to open up and swallow her.

Lauren didn't want to look at Josh again, she was sure he'd be laughing just like everyone else, and she couldn't stand it.

"Are you sure you're okay?" asked Mr Clarkson, looking her up and down, "Maybe you should go to the nurse?"

"No, I'm fine," said Lauren quietly, not wanting to attract any more attention to herself.

"Right, well, you should go sit out for a bit," said Mr Clarkson.

Lauren obediently went to sit on one of the benches at the side of the pitch, feeling everybody's gaze following her.

The rest of the class went on playing, but Lauren couldn't get the thought of what she just did out of her head.

I'm so stupid, Lauren thought, Josh will never talk to me again. How did I make such a fool of myself?

Before too long, Mr Clarkson blew his whistle to indicate that the game was over, and the class headed back inside.

"Have a nice trip, Lauren?" one of the boys called, a stupid grin on his face.

"Ignore them," said Sam, coming up behind Lauren. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I just don't know how I could have been so stupid," Lauren replied.

"It wasn't your fault, it could have happened to anyone," Sam said, attempting to comfort her best friend.

"But it didn't, it happened to me. Like everything else does. Why is it always me that makes a fool of myself?"

"Cheer up," said Sam, "We've got drama next, that'll be a laugh."

"I don't feel much like laughing," Lauren snapped, and walked away from Sam.

Lauren walked to the changing room with all the other girls, feeling like she was about to cry. She knew Sam was right, it could have happened to anyone, but it hadn't, it had happened to her. There wasn't much point in getting upset about it, Lauren couldn't change what happened, but it was so embarrassing, she had looked like an idiot, and she knew everybody would be making jokes about it all day.

Lauren stood in the corner, as far away from everyone else as she could be, wanting to keep to herself and her thoughts. Sam didn't come over to see if she was alright, Lauren reckoned that she'd stopped trying, she'd been so sharp and snappy with Sam recently that she didn't blame her.

I don't deserve friends, Lauren told herself, I'm so fat and useless that no one else would ever want to be my friend anyway.

She took her time getting changed, waiting until every other girl had left before she pulled her PE top over her head and started to put on her school shirt. She didn't want them all to see her fat stomach. Lauren poked and prodded at herself, thinking how flabby and wobbly she was, she must have looked such a state when she fell, her top might have even come up a little bit in the wind, she hoped that it hadn't, and she hoped that Josh hadn't seen her fall, or he would probably never want to look at her again. She longed for the fit, slender bodies that the girls in magazines had, but she had about as much chance of achieving that as she did of achieving world peace.

No, Lauren thought, I have to think positively, I will be thin, I just have to stick to my diet and exercise more.

Lauren walked over to the mirror that she was stood in front of earlier, peering at her legs, which weren't yet covered in her tights. She raised her school skirt and pinched the fat on her thighs, disgusted at how much of it there was.

Lauren wondered how long it would be before someone came to lock the changing rooms, though it was unlikely anyone would, there was no point if nothing was in it. And besides, everyone was at break and the teachers wouldn't want to give up their coffee and biscuit time to come and lock the girls' changing rooms.

Suddenly realising what a mess her hair was, Lauren grabbed her hairbrush out of her bag and started brushing her curly hair into a ponytail, which she secured with a bobble she kept round her wrist. She then pulled her black school tights on, cringing once again at the size of her legs, and crammed her scuffed shoes back on her feet. Lauren then sat down on the bench running along the wall, staring straight into the mirror, and back at herself.

* * *

Josh felt sorry for Lauren, it must have been awful to have all those people laughing and staring at her. When he saw her fall he wanted to go see if she was okay, but judging by the colour of her cheeks, he knew that she was pretty embarrassed about the incident, and that it was probably best to just leave her for a bit. Lauren could be very fierce when she wanted to be.

At least Finn isn't around to give her grief, thought Josh, the situation would have been ten times worse if Finn had been there to see it.

Josh wandered around for the rest of break, a little bit lost without Finn there, he didn't like to admit it, but he didn't really have that many friends apart from Finn, and he had the feeling that Finn was only friends with him because he did what he said. But Josh didn't care, if that was what he had to do to have a friend, so be it.

The bell soon went for next lesson, and Josh headed inside and towards his drama room. On the way he saw Sam, but Lauren wasn't with her. He wondered where she was, she had been late to lesson yesterday as well, and he knew that she'd been crying then. Maybe she was crying now? Everyone had been awful to her, though she'd probably have gotten over it by now, thought Josh. He casually walked up to Sam as they approached their classroom.

"Where's Lauren?" he asked her.

"No idea," Sam replied, "She was really moody after she fell, and then she walked off. She was still in the changing rooms when I last saw her,"

"You think she's upset then?" Josh asked her.

"No, Lauren can be a right moody cow when she wants to be, she's probably just off somewhere calming down."

"Right then," said Josh, as they walked through the door into their drama lesson.

"Come on guys, grab a chair from the side and come sit down," their drama teacher said to the class.

There was a loud clattering noise as everyone in the class took chairs from the stacks at the sides of the room, Josh looked around, he couldn't see Lauren. She's probably just skiving off somewhere because she's embarrassed, he thought, she'll be back by next lesson.

Josh soon put Lauren out of his head, and concentrated on the lesson, it was a good one as well, all practical performance and none of the stupid theory work they'd been doing recently.

* * *

Lauren was sat in a cubicle in the girls' toilets, bored out of her mind, sitting there in silence. She didn't want to go back to lesson, she was scared everyone would laugh at her, knowing the people in her year, they probably all would. She had moved from the changing rooms to the toilets when the bell had gone, because she knew that the changing rooms would be used for a lesson, and she didn't want to be found in there by Mr Clarkson, or one of the other nosy teachers.

It was almost twelve o' clock now, and Lauren was getting pretty hungry. The half an apple she'd eaten that morning wasn't enough to sustain her for long, and Lauren knew that it wasn't right to be that hungry, but she needed to lose weight. When she lost a few pounds she could stop.

A couple of times Lauren's stomach rumbled, she punched it to make it shut up. I'm not feeling hungry, I'm feeling floaty light, Lauren told herself, trying to shed a positive light on things. She was feeling light, too light, her head was too light, almost like she was actually floating. She'd never had that feeling before, and she wasn't sure whether or not she liked it.

Lauren busied herself with reading all the graffiti on the cubicle walls, it was the typical sort of stuff, all the swear words and the 'Chlo & Donte 4Ever'. Every now and then someone would come into the toilets, usually sixth formers wearing loud, tapping high heels, that stood in front of the mirror for ages doing their hair and make-up. Lauren was actually glad when the bell for tutorial went, even though it meant that they would be registered, so she had to go back to class, there was a new policy in place that meant that if you were missing from registration, the school called your parents, it was apparently meant to stop truancy.

Slowly, Lauren stood up and straightened out her grey school skirt, stretching her legs which were aching from sitting down in an incredibly cramped space for an hour. She unlocked the door and went over to the mirror above the sink, checking her make-up and flipping her ponytail back behind her shoulders. When she was satisfied that she didn't look a total mess, Lauren squeezed past some chattering year nine girls that had just come into the toilets, and stepped out into the corridor, the sudden movement and noise making her head hurt. She walked briskly to tutorial, where most of her classmates were already sat down.

"Quickly, Lauren," said her form tutor.

Lauren went and took her seat next to Sam, who didn't say a word to her when she sat down, not even to ask her where she'd been. Then Lauren remembered that she'd snapped at Sam earlier when she had tried to be nice, so she probably didn't want to try again.

"I'm sorry for being such a cow earlier," Lauren whispered.

"Like you're not always?" said Sam, but she was smiling.

"Oi," said Lauren, giving Sam a gentle shove, but it was okay, they were friends again.

Lauren spent the half hour of tutorial doodling, whilst pretending to listen to the boring drone of her form tutor's voice going on and on about attendance and behaviour. She drew a cartoon version of herself, only much prettier, and much much thinner. She also drew Sam linked onto her arm, who didn't need any improvements, she was already as thin as a twig with gorgeous long blonde hair and striking icy blue eyes. Lauren wished she looked more like Sam, she was tired of always being the ugliest of the two. Boys always liked Sam, she was petite and pretty, and good at sports, and singing, and school work, in fact, Lauren couldn't think of anything that Sam wasn't good at.

"That's good," said Sam, leaning over Lauren's arms to see the piece of paper she was doodling on.

"Oh, give over," said Lauren, "It's just a doodle."

"You're good at drawing though. Is that supposed to be me?"

"I can't be that good if you can't even recognize yourself," Lauren said, smiling.

"Girls!" their form tutor shouted, banging his hand on their desk. "Are you even listening to me?"

"Yes, Sir," Lauren said, though her tone of voice sounded mocking.

"Well, what did I just say then?" he demanded, his hand still resting on Lauren's desk.

"Erm, not to bang your hands on furniture?" Lauren said, being deliberately cheeky and giving a small, mocking laugh.

Her form tutor made a noise that sounded very much like the growl of a dog.

Suddenly, the bell went, the class stood up and everyone started rushing towards the classroom door.

"Bye, Sir," said Lauren, grabbing Sam's hand and pulling her outside the classroom, both of them laughing at the look on their teacher's face.

"You're so gonna be in for it tomorrow," said Sam, still laughing.

Lauren smiled. She remembered how much fun she had with Sam, it was so much better when they were friends than when she was being moody and keeping to herself. She didn't know why she worried so much about going back to lesson, no one had even mentioned her fall, and she would have probably had a better time in drama than she did sitting alone in the girls' toilets.

"Come on, lunch now," said Sam, smiling at her.

Oh no, thought Lauren, Sam's going to wonder why I'm only eating an apple. Maybe I should eat a bit more? Just to stop her getting suspicious.

No, said the voice in Lauren's head, firmly. You want to be thin don't you? So don't eat. Not even the apple. You can wait until tea time. You like that floaty feeling, don't you? Well that feeling will go away, and you'll just feel like a fat pig.

Lauren had no idea where the voice was coming from. She took her hand out of Sam's and tapped her head to try and make it go away.

"You okay?" asked Sam, looking at her worriedly.

"Yeah, I've just got a bit of a headache, that's all," Lauren said, confused at the fact that there were thoughts in her head that weren't her own, well, she didn't think they were.

When they reached the cafeteria, Sam went to queue up to get her lunch.

"I'll just go get a table, yeah? I don't feel that well," Lauren said to her.

"Yeah, okay," Sam replied, not taking much notice.

Lauren went and sat down at a table, staring at the plates of food around her, willing herself not to leap up and eat everything within her sight. She was so hungry it hurt, she longed for something hot and savoury to put in her mouth.

Sam then came and sat down with her plate heaped with hot, greasy chips, and it took every bit of willpower Lauren had not to reach out and grab some.

"You want some?" asked Sam, when she saw Lauren staring.

"No thanks, I feel sick," Lauren said.

"Ok then, suit yourself," said Sam, starting to eat her lunch.

Lauren took the bottle of water out of her bag and started sipping it, hoping it would fill her up a bit. Water didn't have any calories so she could drink as much as she wanted of it.

It seemed like forever before Sam finished her lunch, though it had only been about ten minutes. Sam had been chatting to Lauren the whole time, but Lauren had been giving the shortest answers possible, and concentrating on sipping her water and trying to get the dizziness that the smell of food was giving her to go away.

"What do you want to do?" Sam asked Lauren, when they were finally outside and away from all traces of food.

"Sit down," said Lauren, who was starting to feel like she was about to faint.

"Okay then," said Sam, throwing her stuff down on the ground and sitting down on the grass.

"So... What's going on with you and Bolton?" asked Lauren, trying to make conversation.

"Well, I think that he might like me but I asked Emma and she said it was too soon to tell but..." said Sam, launching into a great, long-winded explanation of all the reasons why Bolton may or may not actually like her.

The bell for next lesson rang when Sam was only about half way through her incredibly long story and she carried it on whilst they were walking to science, and no surprise to Lauren, it ended with "So I really don't know whether he likes me or not". Despite the fact that she was bored out of her wits listening to it, she was relieved that she didn't actually have to bother with carrying on a conversation.

"Hi, Lauren," Josh said to her as she entered her science classroom and took her seat, next to him.

"Hi," said Lauren, tiredly, sitting down and resting her head on the desk, trying to get the room to stop spinning. It's just because my body's not used to this, she told herself, I'll be fine.

"What's up with you?" Josh asked her.

"I don't feel that good," she muttered, her head still on the desk.

"Oh, is it because you tripped over your own feet whilst trying to kick a ball?" said a cocky boy sat in front of her, having overheard.

"Shut up," said Josh. "Are you alright?"

"I'll be fine," Lauren said, raising her head so she could smile at him.


	5. Chapter 5

**I'm so sorry! I know I haven't updated in ages but I've had so much going on recently. This week's been quite busy for me and I just haven't had time to update, I've had to do assignments and coursework and loads of other school stuff so I'm really sorry.  
And also, I probably won't be updating this weekend either, it's my brother's and best friend's birthday parties so I'll be quite busy. Sorry!  
I'll try my best to update on Monday though.**

**This chapter's a bit all over the place because I've been writing it at different times throughout the week, but still, I hope you like it :)  
Please review, it really does make my day.**

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* * *

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Lauren was laid on her bed, exhausted from walking round school all day. That was all she had been doing for the hour since she arrived home, lying there and thinking. She knew it was only a certain amount before her mum called her down for tea, and she was desperately trying to think of an excuse to get out of it. She was overwhelmingly hungry by now, but she wouldn't let herself give in, she mustn't be so weak. She had to have the self control to stop herself, she had to prove to herself and everyone else that she could do it, she could be thin.

"Lauren, tea!" shouted her mum from downstairs, just as Lauren had predicted.

Lauren made her way slowly down the stairs and into the kitchen, the smell of her mum's homemade lasagna filling her nose. She was so hungry that the smell that would normally have her mouth watering was making her queasy, which was maybe just as well, because if it hadn't of been, Lauren was sure that she would have pounced on it the second she saw it.

"Mum, actually, I don't feel that well, could you save me some for later?" said Lauren, trying not to cause any suspicion.

"Oh, but I made it specially," said her mum, obviously a bit disappointed.

Specially for what? Lauren thought. It had been like that ever since her dad left, she knew what her mum was doing, trying to act all mumsy and nice to convince Lauren and her brothers not to take up the long-standing offer of going to live with their dad. Lauren didn't see the point, not she or any of her brothers wanted to go live with their dad and his sleazy new girlfriend.

"Just save me some, yeah?" Lauren said to her mum, smiling at her.

"Alright, Love," said her mum, coming and putting her arm around Lauren. "What do you say me and you watch a DVD or something tonight? We haven't had a nice girly night in ages."

"Oh, Mum, I would, but I have a load of homework to do for tomorrow, and I want an early night. But some other time, yeah?" said Lauren. She didn't actually have to do homework, well, she did, but more than anything she just wanted time on her own. Other people seemed to be annoying her that day, she suddenly enjoyed her own company a lot more than anybody else's.

* * *

Lauren woke up suddenly to the sound of her alarm ringing, it was seven o' clock and she had to get up. She stirred and started to pull herself out of bed, shaking as she pushed herself upwards. When she was out of bed she slowly shuffled across her bedroom floor and grabbed her uniform, which was hanging from her wardrobe door. Lauren got dressed very slowly, tired and shaking from hunger. When she'd eventually finished, Lauren went downstairs and went into the kitchen.

Nobody was in there, her mum had gone into work early and her brothers were all probably still in bed. Lauren didn't want to stay in there too long, some of the food looked far too tempting, so she grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge and took it up to her bedroom so she could drink it whilst doing her hair and make-up.

Lauren sat on the edge of her bed to do her hair, she didn't have the energy to stand in front of the mirror. She brushed her curly hair back into a ponytail, smoothing it down with her hands to ensure there were no bumps. She then stood up so she could check it in the mirror, but all Lauren seemed to have gained from the ponytail was a triple chin. Sighing, Lauren took the bobble out of her hair and brushed it through again, then she slipped a gold coloured headband in it.

She then started on her make-up, deciding to take some time and do it properly, instead of just throwing some on and hoping that it looked okay. Lauren started with her foundation, thoroughly rubbing it into her skin, though the amount of flesh that she felt clinging to her cheekbones alarmed her. She then outlined her eyes with her mum's black charcoal eyeliner pencil, then started on eyeshadow, which they weren't actually allowed to wear to school but Miss Mason would just have to live with it. Lauren applied a small coat of grey eyeshadow on her eye lids, and followed that with mascara, with made her eyes look incredible. Lauren didn't know why she was going to so much trouble just to go to school, but she did want to look nice for Josh, because she had been looking a right state the last few times he'd seen her. Plus, if people were looking at her eyes, they'd be less focused on her fat body.

Lauren finished off her make-up with a touch of rouge on her cheeks and then some pink lipgloss. She then stuffed her bottle of water in her school bag, not wanting to drink it then in case she smudged her lipgloss all over her face, and went downstairs to try to find something suitable for her lunch.

Glancing round the kitchen, Lauren could only see things that were sure to be full of calories, bread, biscuits, chocolate, did her family even understand the term 'healthy eating'? Lauren opened the fridge and started rummaging through there, hoping she would find something that she could eat, but all she could find was chocolate desserts, milk, and left-over lasagna. Lauren grabbed the dish of lasagna out of the fridge and scraped the contents into the bin, covering it with sheets and sheets of kitchen roll, then she placed the empty dish in the sink, so that her mum would think that she'd eaten it.

I'll have to just make up another excuse why I'm not eating lunch, thought Lauren, she was sure it wouldn't be that hard.

Lauren glanced at the kitchen clock, it was a good ten minutes before she had to set off to meet Sam, but she still grabbed her bag and started putting her shoes on, she wanted to get there before Sam for a change, so she didn't look so lazy and disorganized.

She walked slowly down to the main road, where she met Sam, not really having the energy to pick up her pace. By the time she eventually got there, she could already see Sam approaching from the other direction.

"Hiya," said Lauren, when Sam was closer, taking the initiative to start the conversation for once.

"Hi," said Sam, smiling at her. "Woah, what's with the eyes?"

"I just fancied something different today," said Lauren, shrugging.

"Well I'm not sure the teachers will appreciate that," said Sam.

"Tough," said Lauren.

The girls walked to school chatting to each other, though Lauren was finding it quite hard to keep up with Sam and talk at the same time.

* * *

"Hey," said Josh, walking over to them as soon as they walked through the gates.

"Hi, Josh," said Lauren, smiling at him.

"Hi," said Sam.

Josh and Lauren smiled at each other and then looked away, embarrassed. Then the three teenagers were silent as they were walking into the school.

"So... I'm gonna go talk to Bolton, see you two in form," said Sam, sensing that she was the third wheel.

Sam headed off in another direction and Lauren and Josh carried on walking down the corridor.

"I like your make-up," said Josh, shyly.

"Thanks," said Lauren, smiling at him once again.

The two walked slowly to their form room, talking about stupid stuff like homework and how stupid their history teacher's shoes were, smiling at each other whenever they got the chance. When they reached their classroom Josh went to sit in his usual place and Lauren took hers next to Sam, who was already in class.

"He so fancies you," Sam said to Lauren, who was grinning flirtatiously.

"No he doesn't," she said, then stopped to think about it. "Do you reckon?"

"Yeah!" said Sam, "Just look at the way he was flirting with you.""He wasn't flirting," said Lauren, though she secretly hoped that Sam was right.

"He so was," Sam replied, smiling. "And so were you for a matter of fact.""I was not!" Lauren said, giving Sam a gentle shove.

"Quiet down," said their form tutor, just as the bell rung for registration.

* * *

It was almost twenty past ten and Lauren was sat in maths getting increasingly hungry, she'd hardly eaten anything in the past two days and she was feeling very light headed. Josh kept looking over and smiling at her and Lauren was smiling back, happy to be getting attention from him, but her mind wasn't completely focused on Josh, or the algebraic equations she was supposed to be working on.

"Sam, how do you do number two?" Lauren turned around and whispered to her best friend, who was sat behind her.

"You're only on number two? What have you been doing for the last forty minutes?" Sam asked in response.

"Um, thinking," said Lauren.

"Flirting with Josh more like," said Sam, smiling.

"No! Anyway, how could I be flirting with him when he's at the other side of the classroom?"

"I've seen you smiling at each other," said Sam, smirking.

Lauren flashed a smile at her maths teacher, who confusedly smiled back at her.

"Does that mean I fancy him now?" asked Lauren.

"Ew, no," said Sam, laughing.

"Girls, get on with your work please," said their teacher, looking over at them.

"Sorry, Sir," said Lauren, turning around and pretending to work.

Lauren was finding it hard to concentrate on her work, and was thinking more about how painfully hungry she was than 'y equals four x squared'.

Five more minutes passed, with Lauren sat in her uncomfortable, plastic chair, clutching her stomach in an attempt to get it to stop rumbling.

"Right, you can go to break now," announced her teacher to the class, looking at the old clock on the classroom wall.

There was a loud noise as the whole class pulled their chairs backwards and stood up, rushing to get out of the classroom. Lauren hesitated a bit and then stood up slowly, feeling a sudden rush in her head.

"Come on," said Sam, stood in front of Lauren.

Sam started to walk out of the classroom and Lauren followed slowly behind, her arms folded over her upper body. The girls started to walk down the stairs to get to break, Lauren keeping her arms folded and head down, wanting to get to break and sit down as soon as she could.

"What's up with you?" Sam asked her, noticing that Lauren was very quiet.

"I just don't feel that good," Lauren said, quietly.

"Again? You should have asked your mum to stay at home if you didn't feel well."

"No, I'm fine," Lauren replied. But just as she said that she saw her vision blur, and felt herself swaying to the side, feeling sicker and more light headed than she had done a minute ago.

Lauren grabbed the banister just in time to stop herself from falling, and she stood there, trying to blink away the blurriness and steady herself.

"Lauren?" said Sam, stopping on the stairs when she realised that Lauren had stopped. "Are you alright?"

Lauren nodded, though she felt awful. After a few more seconds Lauren let go of the banister and started walking gingerly down the last couple of stairs.

"Are you sure you're alright?" asked Sam, "Do you want me to take you to the nurse?"

Lauren shook her head, she knew that the nurse would be able to tell straight away why she felt so ill.

"Can we just go sit down?" Lauren asked, shaking slightly.

"Course," said Sam, putting her arm around Lauren's shoulders, and the girls started to walk in the direction of the exit.


	6. Chapter 6

**I'm so sorry I haven't updated in ages!**  
**I haven't had time to write much, I've been so busy with school work.**  
**And I'm also sorry for using that excuse too much.**

**This chapter is quite rushed, but I felt it was an important one to write, and it will be an important point for the progress of the story. But I'm sorry it's quite a short chapter.**

**Just a little note: I read online somewhere that Lauren's mum owns a coffee shop but I can't actually remember it being mentioned in the show, but maybe I'm just having a blonde moment. Anyway, in my story, that is what she does.**

**And just one more thing before I let you read; this chapter can get a bit icky (and possibly triggering) so just be aware of that.**

**I hope you like it, and please review :)**

* * *

Lauren was sat in Geography, her last lesson of the day, staring out of the window. She had just about managed to stay conscious all day, though she felt like fainting every time she stood up.

It's just my body getting used to it, Lauren told herself yet again, once I've gone a while without eating anything, I'll be used to it and I won't feel so ill.

Despite what she kept telling herself, Lauren was sick of feeling like that, sick being the operative word. She hadn't eaten anything at all for two days, she had skipped lunch again with the same excuse as the day before, and Lauren was now so hungry she couldn't concentrate on anything but just how starving she was. She wanted nothing more than to stuff her face full of food. But she couldn't.

Lauren spent the rest of the lesson in a complete daze, oblivious to the people around her. She hesitated when the bell went, she no longer enjoyed the feeling of dizziness when she stood up.

"You coming?" Sam asked her, standing by the door, whilst Lauren was still very slowly putting her Geography book in her bag.

"Yeah," said Lauren, putting her bag over her shoulder and very slowly standing up, holding onto her desk to steady herself.

"Do you still feel weird?" asked Sam, noticing that Lauren was acting differently to usual.

"A bit," Lauren replied, as she saw the room tipping backwards and forwards.

"I could ask my mum to drive us home if you want?" Sam offered, putting her arm around Lauren.

Lauren wanted to say yes, so she wouldn't have to waste energy on walking, but just as she was about to, the voice in her head returned.

Walking burns calories, the voice told her, if you don't actually get off your fat arse and do some exercise, you're going to stay fat.

"Um, no thank you," said Lauren, giving into the voice.

"Are you sure, you don't look well," Sam told her.

"I'm fine," Lauren replied, smiling at Sam.

* * *

As soon as Lauren got home, she collapsed into the chair in the hall, gasping for breath after walking for half an hour. Thankfully, no one was home to hear or see her.

After sitting down, catching her breath for a while, Lauren wandered into the kitchen, wanting a drink of water. She walked over to the fridge to grab a bottle, but was distracted by the huge pile of cakes and buns sat on the worktop. On top of them was a note reading, 'Short-coded stock from the shop, enjoy xx'. They were obviously from the local coffee shop her mum worked in, Lauren often found treats left for her and her brothers in the kitchen.

Lauren's stomach growled from just looking at the pile of deserts, she was so hungry and wanted one so badly. Just one wouldn't hurt.

Lauren slowly began to open the packet of mini chocolate muffins, her hands scrambling shakily at the cellophane. She tore the packet, stopping to breathe in the heavenly chocolate smell, they looked so good.

Slowly, Lauren lifted one out of the plastic packet and unwrapped it. She took a bite and the flavour irrupted on her tongue, spreading through her mouth. She was so hungry she devoured the muffin in no time, and automatically reached for another one.

Lauren ate and ate and ate, happy to have something in her mouth apart from water. She soon finished the packet of muffins and moved on to the box of cookies, eating faster and faster, stuffing her face with all the delicious calories.

When she was halfway through her third massive box of baked goods, something in her brain suddenly snapped.

I'm going to get so much fatter, Lauren suddenly thought, realising that she had given into temptation, something she had promised herself she would not do.

You fat pig, the voice in her head told her, you weak fat pig.

Oh God, thought Lauren, panicking, if only there was someway to get it _out_.

Then Lauren realised, there was a way to get it all out of her.

Quickly, Lauren put back the half eaten box of cupcakes, stuffed all the wrappers in the bin, and rushed upstairs.

Lauren walked nervously into the bathroom, locking the door behind her. She scraped her hair back behind her ears and knelt down in front of the toilet.

She wasn't sure how to do it, she had seen it in movies and on TV, but they didn't really show you exactly how to do it. All Lauren knew was that you were supposed to stick your fingers down your throat, she didn't know exactly how far down, or if there was a special spot, but she reckoned it couldn't be that hard.

Lauren gingerly put her index and middle fingers into her mouth, trying to work up the courage to stick them further down. After a few minutes of debating with herself, Lauren slid her fingers a bit further down, so she could feel the back of he mouth. When nothing happened, Lauren worked out that that obviously wasn't far enough, so she wriggled her fingers down a tiny bit further, though she was starting to get a bit apprehensive about it.

I must get it out, Lauren thought, if I don't then I'll get even fatter than I was before, and I will have ruined my whole diet.

In the spur of the moment, Lauren plunged her fingers as far down as they would go, and she gagged, so that she pulled her fingers back out as a reflex.

You need to try harder, said the airy voice in Lauren's head.

So Lauren tried again, and many times after that, but as soon as she got her fingers far enough down her throat, she gagged and automatically pulled them back up, without thinking.

Her throat felt scratched from all the times her nails had scraped it, and Lauren's eyes were watering all down her face. She decided to try a new tactic, since the one she was applying at the moment obviously wasn't working.

Lauren plunged her fingers down yet again, though she concentrated fiercely on keeping them at her gag point. She pushed and pushed on her throat, willing herself to be sick so it could just be over. Her throat was burning madly and still nothing was coming up. Lauren tried again and again, desperately willing the food she had eaten to come up, but nothing did.

After a good ten minutes of that, Lauren finally felt something coming up, but when she sputtered it up into the toilet, it was just a tiny bit of icky bile stuff.

It wasn't just Lauren's throat that hurt her now, it was her stomach as well, she could feel it burning inside her, though no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't get anything to come out.

Maybe it's all digested already, thought Lauren, after all, she didn't have any clue about how long food stayed in your stomach for.

After another ten minutes of trying, Lauren finally gave up. She stayed in front of the toilet, incredibly mad at herself that she couldn't do it, though if she hadn't of pigged out in the first place, she wouldn't have needed to try. A new tear ran down Lauren's already damp cheeks, why was she so useless?

Lauren sniffed and wiped the tears and mascara smudges off her face, then flushed the toilet and stood up. She went to look in the mirror, though she wished she hadn't of when she saw how awful she looked. Her face looked fatter than it had earlier, Lauren wondered if she would have put on the extra weight from all the crap she'd just eaten yet, she didn't think it would be possible but she actually looked bigger.

Lauren looked down at the rest of her body, her stomach was all bloated and disgusting, and her thighs looked massive, even in her black school tights. God, she'd have to do a hell of a lot of exercise to burn it off, she didn't know how many calories she had eaten but it must have been loads, maybe even thousands, cookies and muffins and cupcakes must have a lot of calories.


End file.
